Conquering Conflict: Causes, Carriages And Conclusions

Life is worth observing and conflict in life is common.

A client once asked me; “how did you come to understand so much about individuality?” His question, and my subsequent reply, made me focus on the fact that I can’t remember a time in my adult life when I didn’t purposely observe people.

Then beyond observation, I have studied what makes people so different, their inherited culture, their experiences, their level of ambition, their mindsets, their preferences and their behavioural profiles. However (disclaimer coming), I do not hold a psychology qualification, nor do I want you to think that I am claiming to be an expert. Nevertheless, decades of engaging, negotiating, managing, leading, coaching and mentoring have certainly added to my bank of understanding, in particular, the fact that people are different, indeed unique.

Also, people have an inbuilt significant capacity to disagree. Disagreement can of course be beneficial. It can lead to discovering alternative options and improved outcomes.

How would you describe conflict? For me it is this; conflict is escalated disagreement. We don’t always agree with everything that everyone thinks, says or does, but we’re not in conflict with everyone.

Conflict is when I choose to go beyond holding, or even respectfully expressing my opinion, and I then decide to elevate my dissatisfaction and disappointment to a level that manifests in a combatant approach.

CAUSES OF CONFLICT

Beyond physicalities such as fingerprints and your iris, I’m convinced everyone is created different; unique, as if from a bespoke blueprint. Of course, our early culture, our home life infancy, has a significant impact on the person we become. Then beyond that, our life experiences, the crowd we hang with, lifestyle choices, education and experience paths help form who we are. In addition to these elements, external traumatic events or extended illness can influence who we become.

This individuality is relevant because conflict is caused by choice; by us choosing to initiate an increased level of tension, or conflict is caused by a controlled (or uncontrolled) reaction to someone, or by something, that irritates us.

So conflict or a lack thereof is a result of attitude; a conscience decision. Conflict doesn’t happen by accident. Conflict can be seeded by opinion but it’s powered by attitude and usually fuelled by pride. The motivations for conflict can be many, but the cause of conflict is choice. The motivations seriously impact the conflict choices, and so identifying such motivations is central to conflict management and resolution strategies.

So understanding the causes of conflict is essential if you are a manager within any organisation. Whether its motivation lies in fear, jealousy, discontent, rebellion, revenge, competitiveness or genuine concern, it requires certain identification skills and a capacity to relate to a combat participant under pressure.

Again this is a blog, not a thesis, nor a book; so I will fight the temptation to continue listing and explaining the various elements of the multitude of motivations, and the rather limited number of causes of conflict. Sufficient to say that conflict is escalated disagreement delivered by individual choice.

CARRIAGES OF CONFLICT

What do you think I mean by this subheading?

Well, just as I believe that appreciating and understanding human individuality and the causes of conflict is vital, we must recognise what vehicles are employed once conflict has begun.

In my experience, the motivation/s that triggered the choice to engage in combat is not always broadcasted. Regularly we find that we will use alternate arguments and communication methods to camouflage our core concerns.

So while the initial motivation may have been founded in fear, we might choose anger as the conflict carriage. We discombobulate, meaning we choose to confuse with intent. It’s a popular method of combat and to conquer conflict a mediator will need to be competent in recognising its telltale signs.

Another regular tactic is to show an act of empathetic concern for your component, which masks your genuine dislike of them.

So my point is this, look beyond what is being said. If you are given the role of conquering conflict, consider yourself as an investigative detective needing to discover the truth. Now hear me on this, I’m not promoting Gestapo style questioning. I simply believe that you have got to be prepared to look beyond the verbal canvas to ensure that you understand the core motives.

CONCLUSIONS OF CONFLICT

Before sprouting strategies, I return to the individuality factor. The key to conflict resolution is your appreciation and knowledge of the participants. This should include:

What are they primarily about?
What level of dominance do they have?
What motivates them?
What communication style do they prefer?
What do they avoid?
What management style do they adopt?
How do they handle tension?

Thankfully, there are many behavioural profiling analysis models available, each with its peculiar advantages. For its validity and simplicity, I understand the popularity of the DiSC model. For its philosophical approach, I respect the tools developed by DNA Behavior International, but I note that others are equally enthusiastic about alternates. Whatever you choose to use, use something that will empower you with the relevant information essential to achieving resolution.

Common sense will determine the level at which the conflict needs to be addressed.

For instance, an impromptu corridor meeting where you ask the two conflict participants to clarify their opinions might be all that is required, but you will firstly need to evaluate the intensity and vivacity of each individual.

For the sake of this blog, let’s assume that the conflict has already escalated to a higher level of aggressiveness. What then?

Well, a meeting needs to be called but before you bring them together, invest sufficient time with each person separately to achieve an understanding of their ‘causes’ and likely adopted ‘carriages’. Wherever possible, equip yourself with their behavioural profile and plan the meeting. There are several good meeting plans readily available for you to use.

Next, advise them of the meeting time and agenda. Request that they come prepared and ready to substantiate their point of concern. Most organisations have established conflict policies and guidelines and adherence to these are essential. Seek permission to share their behavioural profiles in the meeting.

I will outline an established plan that usually conquers conflict.

Begin the meeting by communicating the type of meeting you intend to conduct; informal or formal. This is important on several levels; it shows respect to the participants and informs them of potential consequences.
In your opening remarks, advise what conduct is expected, what latitude will be given. This will be conditional upon various factors, but unless stated it could easily go off track. Also, I would normally state why I value each participant, what they contribute to the organisation, and why the resolution is therefore imperative.
Allow each person opening remarks; primary commentary to established their reasons for being there. This should be done without interjection. If clarification is required, wait until the person has finished.
This is usually an ideal time to introduce each participant’s profile and specifically explain what differences need to be understood, particularly motivations and communication styles. Doing this not only adds value but allows people time to reflect on what was raised in each other’s opening remarks.
As the discussion continues, remember the ‘carriages’ section above and employ your intrinsic radar to identify core issues, not just verbal facades. These don’t need to be necessarily attacked with aggression; sometimes a sympathetic question will open up underlying truths.
Often you will need to be somewhat flexible in allowing some diversion of content, but not at the risk of irrelevance or elevated irritation.
Identify and note points of agreement that can be continually referred to. This is an effective tool to use when objectivity becomes invisible.
Use a soft close to determine whether participants are ready to begin concluding the meeting. If not, return to the declared outstanding points.
When concluding the meeting, give opportunity for each participant to express what perspective of the situation they now have. In introducing this segment ensure that you review their behavioural differences and the points of an agreement already achieved.
Should agreement and resolution not be achieved, communicate your intentions for further action; another meeting, a course of intended action, a determination, etc.

Time dictates that I must finish here. This blog is not a definitive work on conflict resolution but rather a handy introduction.

Finally remember as a manager seeking greater productivity and environmental harmony, conflict in life is common; dealing with it is mandatory. If you determine that you need to bring in an

Hope you got something useful from this blog.

Question: Do you have a good conquering conflict story? If so, please share it with me.

If you have any questions, feel free to contact me. Alternatively, I always appreciate constructive comments on conquering conflict.